you were right, no one’s running this whole thing

read this: dan’s blog

….haha, did you just throw me under some sort of bus? ok this is going to be probably a pretty gnarly rant (disclaimer)

ok- firstly i want to describe the video even further- it was absolutely amazing. it basically sullied the name of every baptist i know. regardless if i respect them as a friend or not- it was a smack in the face. it wasn’t just the lady dropping it in a verse- i think they had a fucking chorus sing it twards the end. from the shots of them picketing with their ignorant signs to the ones of them crowded around a mic with closed eyes getting sooooo into it- the video was hilarious.

i am from texas. home to idiots. i know this, the people i call friends there know this. race and sexual orientation should not matter ANYWHERE, but they do in some places and its stupid. I grew up around ignorant people. i was shunned for being gay in highschool… part of me was obviously defensive regarding the situation- but the greater portion of me was more upset at the fact that i was being cut off from communication and made fun of (by those people i considered friends) B/C OF MY alleged SEXUAL ORIENTATION. you don’t deserve to have jokes made about you or to be treated differently b/c of how you were born- its not like its a choice to be gay.. the fact that people act differently twards people that are different then them- that they are so stupid to realize- just b/c if you don’t understand something doesn’t mean you should hate it.

with that being said, the reason i am against  this idea for a tshirt is basically b/c i feel that it is offensive in an area i don’t want to be offensive in. i agree with dan, the word is hilarious, obviously from the angle of- omg those people are fucking retarded. but its not something i want my name on. by printing a shirt that says fagbeast on it- i don’t care how many explanations we make for it- i will still feel that its innapropriate. maybe im just to conservative in the fact that i would never wear a shirt that says fagbeast- not because i don’t want people think im gay- not at all- i don’t give a shit what people think- i won’t wear the shirt b/c i think its vulgar- i hate even writing the word fag.

chris and i had a gay uncle who died of aids when we were younger and just the thought of his reaction- whether it be a laugh or him being offended until it was explained- just the idea of the anxiousness i would feel, had i been standing in front of him and his life partner makes me want to vomit. there are a lot of ways that we can be pro gay marraige and just all around pro gay- and to put a shirt out like that- would, ya, cause a rukkus- but i would never see it as a positive message.

i realize that its a joke, and i realize how and why its funny. i just realize what it feels like to be picked on, to be referenced to, to be pushed away and to be laughed at. obviously i didn’t have it to the extent of some people- texas was well known for not only its draggings but its gay bashings. its  a topic that i don’t want to be a grey area for yp- i don’t want the company to be in question b/c of a product we produce may show anti-gay views.  and maybe i am contradicting myself b/c earlier i stated i don’t care what people think.. i just know that i don’t find it sending a positive message and i know that is what dan (you) want to do. i think there are different ways we can do that- and fagbeast isn’t one of them.

i can’t imagine how this would of made him feel. i loved my uncle so much and to think that these people exist makes me very uneasy and uncomfortable- it makes me extremely sad..  it shouldn’t matter who you love.  love should be celebrated not hidden.  stupid people, like the ones pictured above, are the reason that there is a “closet” for you to come out of- i think its bullshit- we supposedly live in america home of the free – where our leaders aren’t brave enough to say yes and allow a person to marry a person of their same gender.   so basically, fuck the book of leviticus, fuck woodsboro church.

and somewhere in there is the reason i say no to making the shirt. sorry for taking you on such along journey just now- but thank you for reading.

be good to your mothers,

andy

its friday. dan and i got hot dates. i should be in bed. but im flirting. i think my body is falling apart. my shoulder/neck sucks and my sides hurt- idk… its complicated. 
we re-arranged the living quarters starting at 1am- b/c we are that awesome.

got a hair cut.

i have an interview for this dude who produces/directs skate videos tomorrow at 4:30…. idk- i seriously doubt it pays enough but i guess i will go and see.

i need money.

i need calla.

i need sleep.

i need to go to seattle and see ev.

i need to go to fl and see shawn and kim.

i need to go home and see the fam and ant and kase.

i need robotarms.

i need a job.

i need kisses.

i need it to be 10pm. 

what in the fuck is this?